My ‘light bulb moment’ happened last year.
I was going through all the goals on my girls IEP’s and really broke them down to one common goal … surviving … the school system, the school day, social expectations.
Taking time out to homeschool and really observe their learning, it was immediately obvious that the only time my girls have ‘social challenges’ is during interactions with Neurotypicals. 
So it got me thinking … should they be put under stress to ‘change’ or should they be free to be themselves? Why do they need to conform? Are we empowering or disempowering?
I have worked in the Education system for 26 years and worked with many adults who live by the motto ‘my way or the highway’ both professionally in their classrooms and personally in how they treat those around them. So why is it acceptable for adults/NT’s but not for my girls … not for me?
My current thoughts … I still use ‘expected’ and ‘unexpected’ behaviour language but I am taking it to the next level … questioning who expects it? Discussing the ‘who’ and the choice to ‘conform’ to change our behaviour, linked to logical consequences and ‘trying it on’ to see if it fits.
This all links in to my recent decisions and the logical consequences I was living with and trying to make sense of. I could no longer ‘conform’ to the values, beliefs and lack of action.
I choose to live doing what fits for me, my values and my beliefs … it’s a great feeling and one I hope for … for my kids and yours and for you.
Jonelle Fraser 